º A millionaire's smartness

Never ever underestimate a chinese..

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $500,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?

The Chinese replies:
'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'

º Women R D Best!!

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped his hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all
three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

º Things Shouldn't Say In Front of Kids

*Mind vulgar words!!

1st Scene
Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room,
right in front of their little son.
Daddy : Oh!!! You Bitch!
Mommy : What?? You Bastard!
Son : Daddy, Mommy, what's Bitch and Bastard??

At this moment, Daddy blushes.
He quickly thinks up of something.
Daddy : It means Ladies and Gentlemen son.
Son : Oh I see!

2nd Scene
Little Son was watching a TV show about premarital sex
and there they mentioned the words 'breasts' and 'penises'.
Mommy was reading the papers.
Son : Mommy, what's breasts and penises?

At this moment, mommy turned blue,
and quickly thought of something to say.
Mom: It means coats and hats, son.
Son : Oh I see!

3rd Scene
Daddy was shaving his beard and son passed by; the toilet.
Suddenly daddy cut himself and scream...
Daddy : Oh SHIT!!
Son : Daddy, what's shit?

At this moment, Daddy eyes bulged,
and quickly thought of something to say..
Daddy : It means shaving cream, son.
Son : Oh I see!!

4th Scene
Christmas is approaching, and mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove.
The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said...
Mommy : Oh! Fuck!
Son : Mommy, what's fuck?

At this moment, Mommy froze. She quickly thought of something to say.
Mommy : It means stuffing, son.
Son : Oh I see!!

5th Scene...
It's Chrismas Eve!
Little son exuberantly opened the door to let all that is uncles, aunties,
cousins and friends come into the house. Proudly he said...

"Welcome in, Bastards and Bitches!
Please put all your breasts and
penises at that corner of the house!
My parent are busy at the moment.
You see, Daddy is putting shit on his face upstairs
and mummy is fucking the turkey in the kitchen.
Don't worry they will come out in a minute!!"

Everyone fainted!!!

º Two Nuns trailed

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

Scroll down...for last bit...

What do you think the logical nun does next?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

I'll pray for your Filthy minds

º Tough Life in Singapore

Life is Tough in Singapore.... Chin Kang Kor.....!
In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB),
And most people have already got used to Paying And Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?
With the current Mad Accounting System(MAS) , you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA);
Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB);
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH),
You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.
If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you ;
And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the road.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),
or get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
not even the good old place we used to go because it has become
So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA) !!!

º Who is rich & Who is poor

One day
The father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.


On their return from their trip, the father asked his son
How was the trip?
It was great, Dad.
Did you see how poor people live? the father asked.
Oh yeah, said the son.
So, tell me, what you learned from the trip? asked the father.

The son answered:
I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end… …We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond
…We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them.

The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added,
Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are..

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have

Appreciate every single thing you have!

Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation..

º Reason why never visit rich people

I recently paid a visit to a millionaire's house, and ended up not having anything to drink despite the offer. Below is how the offer was made to me:

Host: "What would you like to have..... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Me: "Tea please"

Host: "Ceylontea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?"

Me: "Ceylontea"

Host: "How would you like it? Black or white?"

Me: "White"

Host: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"

Me : "With milk."

Host: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Me: "With cow milk please."

Host: "Milk from Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Me: "Uhmm. I will take it black."

Host: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Me: "With sugar"

Host:" Beet sugar or cane sugar?"

Me: "Cane sugar"

Host:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"

Me: "Walau! Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Host: "Mineral water or still water?"

Me: "Mineral water"

Host: "Flavored or non-flavored?"

Me: "Gee! I give up just forget about everything."

º Wondered how POLITICS work?

SON : Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question ?

DAD : Sure Son, What's the question?

SON : What's POLITICS?

DAD : Well Son, let's take our home as an example :

I make all the final decisions on important matters. So let's call me MANAGEMENT.

Your mother spends most of the money,so let her be the GOVERNMENT.

We take care of you and your needs. So let's call you the PEOPLE.

We shall call our maid Clara, the WORKERS.

And we call your Baby Brother, the FUTURE.

Do you understand what POLITICS means now?

SON : I'm really not sure Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong.

Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to disturb his mother, he then went to the maid's room. He peeked through the keyhole, and saw his father in bed with the maid.

The boy's knocking went unheard by his father and the maid. So he finally returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning at the breakfast table;

SON : Dad, I now think I understand POLITICS.

DAD : That's great Son! Please explain to me in your own words.

SON : Well Dad!
While MANAGEMENT is screwing the WORKERS,
the GOVERNMENT is sound asleep.
the PEOPLE are being ignored and
the FUTURE is full of shit.

º Tiny frog's story

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs..
… who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants...

Honestly
No one in crowd really believed that,

the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower...

Ever heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!
They will NEVER make it to the top."
or
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

Most tiny frogs began collapsing on by one...

... Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher...

The crowd continued to yell
"It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher...

This one wouldn’t give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower.

Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog
how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?

It turned out...

That the winner was
DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people’s tendencies to be negative or pessimistic...

…cause, they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power which words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore...
ALWAYS be…

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU can not fulfil YOUR dreams!

Always think:
I can do this!

º Blame on failed students?

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.


Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays - 52 in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.

Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.

Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE..

Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing - (good for health) means 15 days.

Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) -means 30days.

Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days.

Days left 81.

7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.

Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays) -40 days.

Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness - at least 3 days.

Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days.

1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!

Balance = 0

How can a student pass ?????