º Jokes About Marriages & Couples

Shut-up

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The Dog of course ....... at least it will shut up after you let him in !

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Three Children

A couple had three children.
Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome
but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
One day the hubby got suspicious and asked :
" Tell me the truth, dear. Is this third child really mine ? "
" Yes, dear, " replied the wife, " ...... but the other two are not. "

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Qualities of a Wife

When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities -----
She is an economist in the kitchen,
an aristocrat in the living room
and a devil in bed.

After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain,
but not in the same order anymore.
She becomes an aristocrat in the kitchen,
a devil in the living room
and an economist in bed.

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Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned immediately.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said :
" Gosh ! It really works! "

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Plain Lazy

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things
around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said,
" Now, Doc, I can take it.
Tell me in plain English ---- what is wrong with me ? "
" Well, in plain English ", the doctor replied, " you're just lazy. "
" Okay, " said the man.
" Now give me the really complicated medical term
so that I can tell my wife. "

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Wedding Anniversary

I asked my wife : " Where do you want to go on our anniversary ? "
She said : " Oh ! Somewhere I have never been before ! "
I told her : " How about the kitchen ? "

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The Marriage is .....

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

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Happiest Hour

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband,
" Do you remember when you proposed to me,
I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour? "
The hubby replied :
" Yes, honey, that was indeed the happiest hour of my married life. "

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Holding Hands

We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops!